i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
