i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
