I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
