I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
