I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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