I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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