Have you finally orgasmed yet?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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