If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
