Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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