i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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