kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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