i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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