just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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