i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
