omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
