How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
