Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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