ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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