What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
