I can text with my tongue
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
