I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
