Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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