1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
