are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
