Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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