so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
