I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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