Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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