You can't special order awesome
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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