My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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