After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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