So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
