Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i think i just lost a toe
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
