omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
