We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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