Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
do herpes really smell.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
