i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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