Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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