I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
