My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
