my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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