You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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