just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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