Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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