I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
