I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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