I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
