im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
