Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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