So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
