i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
