if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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