You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
