I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
