1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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