He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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