She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
