thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
