Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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