Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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